Courtesy of @ess_lovaa and @moesullie

It’s insane how life can change in an instant! December 2017 was the end of my life as I knew it and was the start of a whole new world. Within six months, I went from being a mother of two and holding onto a stagnant relationship, to becoming a fiancée and mothering four children. I went from dealing with the challenges of co-parenting and family court with my kid’s father to having to also deal with the stresses of co-parenting with my bonus kids’ mom. I went from being a savage and a “little baby who don’t listen” to being soft, submissive, and learning how to pick and choose my battles. In June 2018, my teenage crush and sneaky link, Salah, got on one knee and asked me to become his wife. Before reconnecting, we both had been in dead-end relationships with our children’s parents. Once we reunited, it was clear to both of us that timing is everything. The person I was before he proposed, was not ready for marriage or a blended family. Saying yes to him, meant that I had to accept all that it came with. Although I had always been a relationship type of girl, marriage was a different ball game and required much self-improvement and patience for myself and my partner.

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The transition was difficult, to say the least. One of the biggest adjustments I had to make was taming down my confrontational side. I have always been the type to never back down from an argument. I always prided myself in being able have quick comebacks. I was the type of girlfriend who matched energy and actions. I have always felt like I had to be defensive or had to protect myself and my feelings in my past relationships. I became a different person, however, when I married my husband.

 When you are with a man who respects you and cherishes you, you will feel safe enough to let your guard down. I was no longer defensive. I no longer felt like I had to protect myself because he was there to protect me. I was able to be soft and vulnerable around him. We became a team. 

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This meant to me that as long as I made sure he was good, he would do the same for me. As a leader, he never made me feel like I had to stress about anything. This made it easy for me to be submissive. If I ever felt overwhelmed, my husband never had an issue with helping me do laundry, clean, cook or assist with our children. But with each beautiful change, there are challenges, too. Mothering five children hasn’t been easy. Especially during the pandemic and especially having an uncooperative co-parent. As co-parenting became easier for my son’s father and I, it became more difficult than ever with my bonus sons’ mom. My husband has endured and continues to endure the stress of family court and custody battles. In an attempt to gain leverage over my husband in court, we have had Child Protective Services visit our home more than four occasions. Although each case was closed and no abuse or neglect has ever been found, it has started to take a toll on not only my husband and I, but also our other children. These shifts made it difficult for my husband and I to discipline the boys because the energy in our home changes whenever they return home. That paired with being home with all five children (one being an infant) for 18 months during remote learning was next to torture (something I’m sure moms can more than relate to.)

The pandemic has been difficult for everyone, especially mothers. So to reclaim my peace and time for myself amongst transition, I’ve had to be intentional about doing things for myself without the children. Going to the gym, joining a pole class, or even walking around Target for a few hours. It has all served as a form of therapy for me and my husband supports me taking that time. We’re also intentional about making our marriage a priority and carving out time for just us two. At almost three years into our marriage, all and all I would not want my life to be any other way. My husband has encouraged me to never be complacent and has supported me through all my endeavors. He honors me every chance he gets. I also provide patience and I support him as he works hard to be the best man that he can be for our family. Challenges aside, things continue to go well for our family. We just closed on our dream home, and we are all in a great place and excited for what the future holds.