Gene Moore described marriage and love best in the third season of “Couch Conversations.” Sitting on the couch, with his wife LaShanna Moore’s arm intertwined in his own, he said that marriage is a “beautiful interruption” that pushes each individual to choose to be selfless daily. For Moore, it’s a challenge that he willingly embraces solely because of the love that he has for his wife.

While it’s not always easy, successful relationships require deep respect, care and connection. It goes beyond the physical and explores something richer. Intimacy, a term that often is used interchangeably with sex, is the foundation for every strong relationship. 

“Intimacy is how close [or] connected you feel to your partner emotionally,” says Quinelle Hickman, a licensed therapist and the CEO of Counseling to Comfort. “It speaks to how vulnerable you are with your partner.”

LaShaunna Moore describes intimacy as the “sixth love language.” To her, it is the unspoken communication between her and her husband. “It’s the deepest part of being able to learn each other and being able to speak each other’s language,” she says.

Although sex can be a form of intimacy, Hickman believes that the two terms are different and can exist without the other. If you ever wondered the difference between intimacy and sex, Hickman broke down the definitions for Black Love. 

Intimacy Relies on Words and Actions, While Sex Focuses on the Body

The growth of a couple’s intimacy levels depends on all of the actions performed and the words spoken. “Intimacy is how connected words and actions can make you,” Hickman tells Black Love. “Sex is how close the body can make you.”

Whether it’s subtle touches or a reaffirming sweet nothing, intimacy deepens the relationship with your partner outside of physical interactions. 

Intimacy Exists Outside the Bedroom, While Sex Doesn’t

“Couch Conversations” Season 3 guest Chance Brown described intimacy as the smaller moments between him and his wife, content creator Tabitha Brown. 

“Intimacy to me is laying on the couch watching TV and falling asleep together,” he says. “Being able to take a car ride with no destination – just being in each other’s presence. Sometimes intimacy is not even having to talk [and] just being amongst one another. But, knowing that if I’m not going to talk [and] if I don’t have anything to say that it’s okay and I’m with the person that I want to be with.”

In order to build an unbreakable bond, friendship and love outside of the bedroom is essential. As Brown described, those moments define a long-lasting love.

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Intimacy is True Closeness, While Sex Can Create a False Sense

While many couples agree that waiting to have sex is hard, they acknowledge how much better their sex life is when they reach true closeness. Hickman notes that intimacy is the “mental, spiritual and emotional aspect of a relationship that can be felt without the physical.” Brown acknowledges feeling a difference in his sex life when they deepened their intimacy.

“I remember times with sex when I felt like it was my wife doing her duties and there was no connection and that ain’t the same,” Brown recalls. “At 42, now, I can look back and I can say what that stems from.”

Intimacy is Emotional, While Sex is Physical 

With intimacy, the five love languages — quality time, words of affirmation, physical touch, gift giving and acts of service – are paramount. Since intimacy relies on how close you are to your partner and how you express your love, it is ruled by how you make your partner feel seen every day, rather than how you make them feel in a moment of passion. 

To build intimacy in your relationship, try practicing all five love languages and focus on the ones your partner finds most fulfilling. For example, if they love acts of service, pick up a few extra chores around the house or help them with a task. If they love words of affirmation, tell them how much you love them and why. All of these tasks can help build intimacy, leading to a closer and happier relationship.