Let’s talk about sex, baby…not intercourse but outercourse. Outercourse is a sexual activity that involves non-penetrative sexual pleasure. Pretty much anything sexual you do that isn’t penetrative counts as outercourse. Outercourse can be a great way to build your bond as a couple and can be very stimulating and orgasmic. Outercourse can be extremely beneficial for men with erectile dysfunction or women who suffer from painful sex due to endometriosis, vaginismus, fibroids, or scarring (physical and mental) from sexual trauma.

Ways to Incorporate Outercourse in the Bedroom

1. 1. Get Hands On

It’s amazing what you can do when you commit to just using your hands. Use your hands to stimulate each other — simultaneously, or one at a time. This doesn’t have to be limited to the genital region but can involve giving or receiving in form of a total body massage: nothing like having your face, neck, breasts, stomach, thighs and even the soles of your feet caressed by your partner’s fingertips to get your engine going. You can take turns massaging each other, or switch it up. Massage makes great foreplay, and also happens to be an incredible way to create intimacy.

1. 1. Use your mouth

 

Did you know that the penis is its most erect during oral sex? Also, 75% of all women need clitoral stimulation to orgasm. Using your mouth more during sex is a win/win for everyone involved and it’s very sensual. A tip to remember is the perineum (area between the genitals and anus) is often neglected and yet so much pleasure is located there. Exploring this region and other erogenous zones with your tongue and mouth will intensify arousal. 

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1. 1. Non-penetrative toys

Sex toys are great tools for outercourse. Vibrators work wonders to externally stimulate genitals, without actually penetrating. You can also run a vibrator along your partner’s spine or other erogenous zones. While vibrators and dildos are popular options, another toy is a great option to use as well — Tenga Eggs. Tenga Eggs from Lovehoney are soft, stretchy, squishy hollow ovals with a hole at the bottom. Each egg has a different texture inside that makes it perfect to caress over a penis. They can also be used on vulva owners by flipping inside out and using fingers to stroke the clitoris and labia.

While outercourse is often considered not “real” sex,  it can be a wonderful alternative to penetration when life makes it impossible. It is also a great way to reconnect, foster intimacy and break out of your routine.