“Expectations set the standard and the trap early on in our marriage. Instead of communicating the things that made us feel loved and cherished, we just assumed that since we always did it so well while we were dating that we already knew. We figured that since we knew each other’s heart that we could essentially read each other’s minds. Holding each other to standards of love that we didn’t even know about was a disaster and it led to frustration, disappointment, and resentment. After much forgiveness and extensions of grace, we discovered that the joy-filled marriage that we both envisioned was realizable and we just needed to communicate to get there. Nine years in, we’ve found that no conversation is too small to discuss and no misunderstanding is too insignificant to talk through. The strength of our love is heavily based on us being on the same page, so we fight together to make sure we are always in step.” Reflections by @fightingthefray

You go from being single your whole life and then one day it all changes. Now you have a person who is literally apart of you. It changes every aspect of your life. "Let's talk growing pains!!!!! Many people don't realize that going into a marriage you're literally going from one extreme to the next. You go from being single your whole life and then one day it all changes. Now you have a person who is literally apart of you. It changes every aspect of your life. Think about it, we are two different individuals, We have different likes and dislikes, different things that irritate us, different desires, we come from different homes, upbringings, and backgrounds. All of these things shape who we are and our perceptions of life. Many of these things aren't truly exposed while dating like they are in a marriage. We all want happy and healthy marriages and in order to truly have that it takes work. You have a new responsibility to look in the mirror and how you contribute to your marriage and to learn to give your spouse what they need. We go into a marriage with our own list of expectations, but we have to be careful not to tear each other down when expectations aren't met. Your spouses imperfections WILL SHOW. And there is a growing pain of learning to uplift and not tear down when those weaknesses or imperfections happen to be tied to an expectation that isn't being met. We have to be careful about pointing out the others weaknesses, Instead we should help them navigate through them. Being a support to them with prayer, patience and compassion. There is no one else we'd rather go through this journey with. We've only been married for 3 months and we can literally write an entire book on what we've learned so far!! We realize that a healthy marriage requires growth and constant learning and we are cool with that!!" Refelections by @malaika_chaney

Black couples share their reflections on love and marriage. For Nneka & Armond, waiting until marriage to have sex created a stronger bond. "Before we got into a relationship with one another, we were just friends for about 7 years, which was great. Once we started courting, we made a decision to honor God and wait until marriage to have sex. This was one of the best decisions we made because it truly gave us a chance to cultivate a strong relationship, which set a solid foundation for our marriage, but it didn't make it perfect. By the time we got married, I was 1 month shy of turning 30 and quite used to doing things my own way, when, and how I wanted to do them. So we definitely ran into a few challenges and power struggles completely merging our lives together! And honestly, I had a bit of an issue with submission because although I was very aware of the scripture that says wives should submit to their husbands, I was only half on board with it lol. The word submission always came off to me like it was about the man controlling everything and the woman not having a say. That didn't sit well with me. But I learned it wasn't about that at all... it was about allowing him to take leadership in our marriage, not silencing my voice. Knowing that he was submitted to God first and foremost made that a lot easier for me to do. And when I think back on it, our decision to remain celibate was like practice in submission. Although the decision was a joint one, he definitely took the lead with keeping us on track. Do we agree on every single thing? Not at all -- but I love and respect him and he has the same love and respect for me." Reflections by @how2dateGodsway

“This September we will have been married 7 years. Jeff came from a background where he was taught to honor women and God and made the decision to not have sex until he was married. When we met, I had been practicing abstinence as well for the past 6 years. Needless to say, our union on September 24, 2011 was definitely “worth the wait!” However, being deeply rooted in our faith and making the decision to wait to have sex until marriage, does not mean our marriage has not experienced its set of challenges. Having experienced and overcome the pain that comes with a miscarriage, fertility challenges, the loss of jobs, and the loss of a parent, we are not exempt from the things that could tear a marriage apart. People look at our relationship from the outside and always say, “You guys are goals.” We quickly remind them to not get caught up in the highlight reels of our lives on Instagram and encourage them to be their own relationship goals. Marriage is beautiful, it can be a lot of fun, but its also work. Yet we have found that there is nothing we cannot overcome by placing Christ first, and putting in the work for our marriage together. We refuse to allow life’s challenges to get in the way of our unity. Our unity, common mission and commitment to Christ keeps us moving forward and flourishing in our marriage. Together, we have traveled and served together in various countries, we preach the gospel together, pour into other couples, and we are each other’s very best friends.” Reflections by @mrjefftyler

So, we chose our family. We chose each other - on purpose. And then we committed to getting out of our own way, so that the light could reemerge. How my husband and I "got over:" We spit venom, temporarily. We wagged fingers, temporarily. We cried (a lot), temporarily. We called it quits, temporarily. We sought vengeance, temporarily. Then we recalled the permanence of what we agreed to (before ever making it down the aisle), and we stood in our choices. We accepted that our bad choices were as temporary as the emotions that prompted them and not a reflection of who we are. If anything, those choices just represent how reckless we can be when we're crazy enough to forget the abundance we've been blessed with.